It is the first day of IADF (Irish Aerial Dance Festival) and weirdly I am not there. I first went to the festival when I was 20 as a fresh, eager, terrified, dance grad. This festival gave me a kind of hope I had never felt before. All of these super cool artists from all over the world who were doing things with their lives that I wanted to do with my life. This festival transformed me on a deep level.
But now 10 years later after an aerial career I have Fidget Feet to thank for and years of teaching at the festival, I am not on the way to my first class and it is bizarre (I have a whole post about why I am not teaching at the festival this year here).
This is all going to sound awfully dramatic. But hey I am a performer, I love the drama.
The transition away from aerial has been surprisingly smooth, yet emotionally taxing. It feels like a breakup where you know it's the right thing but it still feels painful. I am grateful that my somatic coaching business has sprung into life and I have a waitlist for 1:1s in the first few months (like WHAT?!). But emotionally it has been a bit of a journey. Because I have had to untangle aerial from my worth entirely. I had done a lot of self-worth work but that didn’t stop me from feeling rejected by the shocked faces and unfollows when I shared that I am no longer focusing on aerial. Is that all you want me for? Aerial? Is that my only value?
Of course I am not bitter towards the people who unfollowed. If I am following someone for cupcake recipes and then they change to gardening tips I will probably unfollow because that's not what I came here for. But somehow when it is me I read this as my only worth is in my aerial skills.
There's an ego thing here. My ego looks at my new insta profile with less than 250 followers and goes “go back to the aerial thing”. But my heart KNOWS I am here to help people heal. My heart screams YES when I am waiting for my somatic clients to join the call. And I am here for the long run.
I thought I used to understand what people meant by “I just know this is what I am meant to be doing”. But I didn’t because this feeling is new. It is so grounded in who I am. I am more me than I have ever been.
Not that I was being fake in my aerial career but I think I wore aerial like a coat that made me more interesting. I never felt as interesting as my artist pals. So I tried to come across as ‘cool’ to make me fit in more. And my ego loves aerial because it makes me stand out to non-aerial folk. It's a fun occupation to chat about at a wedding, its strong physically and mentally and it's a cool thing to brag about. My ego rolls its eyes disappointedly at my new title ‘Somatic Self-Worth Coach’. I can’t be thrown in with the online life coaches it says. It is so not flashy enough for my ego.
On Saturday I performed at the student showcase with the other teachers at Aerial Ninjas. On hoop (because I definitely don’t have the stamina for a verticals piece right now) and it felt so good. I just did a 3 minute improv to At Last - Etta James and it was delicious. Aerial gets to be my playground now. And it never had the chance to be a playground. Since my very first class I had decided I would pursue it as a career so it was always to gain more skills, get that gig, make a lesson plan, find sequences for an act. Now it is truly for pleasure and it feels like exactly that. And it is so comfy. An outlet that is just an outlet. What a gift.
But the somatic work I do isn’t comfy and it isn’t ‘hashtag cute’. It is deep and impactful. I take the responsibility I have very seriously. Holding people through the sensations that bring up their deepest emotions, toughest memories and guiding the body back to the safety it needed all those years ago. Teasing out what the body needs to allow them to be expansive again.
“6 years of therapy and we moved through more in one session” is my new favourite testimonial.
I am in awe of my clients right now. The shifts in them and wins they are sharing make me so grateful that this is what I get to do.
If you want to work with me in August I have 2 spots remaining. Apply below to claim your spot.
Sending so much love to my IADF peeps! I have all the FOMO!
Thanks so much for being here,
Lots of love,
Em x x x x
P.s Right now my membership is the most accessible way to work with me and if you join before August you get it for just £33 per month. The value is £££s more.